Relationship conflict

When you have resolved a conflict with another person whether romantic or otherwise, and when things are ok between the two of you, are you not at point completely resolved never to face that situation again? However you say that there will be another fight, as you say relationships always have ups and downs etc. if you therefore see that there will be another fight then you are never really fully relieved or content even after you resolve one fight. Even though you have resolved the one fight it’s inevitable that there will be another.

 A child is nervous for example at the parent not only because of the present aggression but because of a history of aggression where they know that yes this is a good moment but soon it will erupt into some aggression. So you see this that our conditioning is that of conflict within relationships. We have accepted this is a way of relating and it’s absurd. Conflict must be ended for good and furthermore we can open up to the possibly that our relationships are not a rollercoaster ride of reward and punishment. The people we are close and ourselves do not have to live on the edge of this rollercoaster ride. 

We do however live this way across all relationships: at work/ friends/ family. We seem to punish those people who are closest to us. We don’t see that we do have right relationship with a lot of people but those close to us suffer our conditioned behavior. 

You and me are in a relationship yet we do not have this reward punishment interaction, you may say we don’t have a relationship but the fact is we share the earth and we are in relationship. I am in relationship at various proximities with everyone and everything. On the road I am in close relationship with other drivers, their ability to remain in their lane equals to the most functional relationship. Now I know you are asking how am I, living with someone in close proximity are to have a functional relationship when we are sharing so much of our lives? 

Well it is a matter of looking at attachment and we are attached at a psychological level. What does this mean? So when something goes wrong at work, generally I will call my partner and they are responsible to make me feel better about myself, this is an example of psychological attachment. It’s an attachment because if I don’t get this I will throw my toys. So absolutely not, if someone is available to listen to you it’s great but it’s not an obligation. Furthermore do you realise that this behavior is selfish as we are using each other. If you go into it this behavior is dependency. 

So having said all this and touching on a few example it is to say that whatever relationship whether romantic or professional or friendly can have absolutely no conflict when we become aware of our attachments and other ways in which we are using each other and other ways in which we relationship. Firstly to examine whether you see for yourself that it is possible, if you say it is not possible the we can’t really delve any further but if it’s possible then there is something to explore.